The biggest surprise was realising I was spending more energy managing his gambling than he was.

Everyone talks about stress being a trigger. For me the dangerous nights were often the good ones. I would win at the casino, feel brilliant, and suddenly whatever limit I had set before going in seemed ridiculous. I had never thought of confidence as a trigger.

I did not quit drinking — I just stopped letting every weekend turn into Monday's problem.

Sports betting had basically changed the way I watched soccer. I was not losing the house or anything dramatic, but every match was odds, accumulators, cash-out, what I had riding on it. Even when I was not betting, I was thinking about betting. That was the bit that got me.

I honestly felt a bit silly bringing social media up in counselling 🙈. But I was checking Instagram before I had even properly woken up and then spending half the morning feeling like everyone else was doing life better than me. I still use it. Just not before my brain has had a chance to wake up first.

Gaming started as my reward after I would done everything. Somewhere along the line it became what I did instead of everything 😂. We did not make gaming the enemy, which I liked. I had to sort out the rest of my life as well.

I went because my parents were worried about gaming; I stayed because I realised I was not actually enjoying much else anymore.

My son was not interested in counselling. I was desperate for him to go. Eventually someone asked me what I was going to do differently if he did not change. I hated that question at first. It turned out to be the one I needed.

I genuinely thought I was helping my husband. Paying something when he had spent too much, covering for him with the kids, sorting out the mess afterwards. I thought that was what you did when somebody you love was struggling. Then one day in a session I realised how much work I was doing to make sure he did not actually experience the consequences of his drinking. Yoh. That one stayed with me. I started noticing all the small things — what I explained away, what I fixed before anyone else saw it, how quickly I stepped in when things went wrong. Changing that was uncomfortable because it felt like I was abandoning him. Eventually I understood that I could care about him without taking responsibility for everything his drinking caused.

My brother always had a reason he needed money and usually it sounded completely reasonable. Petrol. Rent. Groceries. I knew drugs were part of the picture somewhere, but saying no felt cruel. Counselling helped me get my head around the difference between helping him and protecting him from every consequence. I am still learning that one.

Talking about porn was much less awkward than I expected. No judgement, no big label. We got into what was happening around it and what it was doing to my relationship. That was the useful part.

I kept using the fact that I did not drink every day as proof that I was fine. Friday drinks, celebrating, bad day, good day, dinner out — somehow there was always a reason. I was still working, exercising, doing everything I needed to do, so in my head that meant there could not really be a problem. What changed for me was looking at how often alcohol had quietly become the answer to something — relaxing, rewarding myself, socialising, switching off. I really appreciated that nobody immediately turned it into ‘you can never drink again’. We looked at what was actually happening first, and I could decide what I wanted to change from there.